so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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