I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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