guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
BRING THE BAGELS
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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