I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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