Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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