at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
