Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize