I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
