I got her a Nickelback box set.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
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Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
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I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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