Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
