I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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