hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
