Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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