i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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