i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
