Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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