I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
