I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
a search helicopter?!
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
