but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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