She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
