I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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