wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
