my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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