He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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