Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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