bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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