I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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