oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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