the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
