Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
