NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
don't judge my taste in strippers
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
