I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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