He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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