i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
