i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
