Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize