My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
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I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
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She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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