My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
