We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
