Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize