that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I am one with the molecules
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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