My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
