Having a random hookup so left but love u
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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