I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.