Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.