Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldnâ€™t Be More Proud
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0