I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
