I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
