youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
