It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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