why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
