my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
