Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
