I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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