the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
