Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
