Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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