my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
