I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
