if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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