I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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