I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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