We're facebook friends in real life
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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