things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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