The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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