I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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