there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
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It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
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Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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