it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
